Concerns on Online Homeschooling Programs For High School Students

I have been feeling really depressed and no matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to shake it. Let me explain I am a 14 year old homeschooler, I have 7 siblings all but one are older than me (4 girls & 3 boys) and I HATE homeschooling, the only problem is my parents can’t afford a good high school so I have never complained, they have no idea how much I appall it. All my life I have been what some people call a social butterfly, someone who can make friends with anyone. Sure I can make friend through my online program but I hate conversing online I would like a face to face, but most of the people from my online school are in other states so a meeting isn’t an option. I am depressed because my brother who is 2 years old than me goes to a High School, (my parents just can’t handle homeschooling the boys passed middle school) so all the boys have gone to a High School and the girls being much more obedient have all been home-schooled, the problem is that I’m not like my sisters. All my life I have been the odd sheep like my sisters, all musicians and great with whatever instrument they pick up I only sing, they are all great at school and geniuses at math (one graduated college at 19 the other was valedictorian of her online school and is currently attending college on full scholarship, and it’s too early to tell about my younger sister) I have to work to get a B on math. The longer I hold in my feelings the more morose I become and I have asked my mom why older brother goes to school and, I’m quoting here, she said ‘Because we are hardly paying anything for him, he’s brilliant and they are lucky to have him, because he makes the school look good.’ Every time my parents talk about my siblings they always give high praises for example, Ellie is going to college full time for being a violin prodigy (she was concert master since she was 13 to 20 year olds), Tess is a private tutor and piano instructor, Martin is the best baseball player in the league, Jose is also a private tutor and caretaker, Arron is the 4.0 gpa with honors in everything, Anita is another violin and singer protégé (for being 9 she can really harmonize) and me I’m just artsy (not lying that is actually how they describe me btw those aren’t their real names). I know they don’t hate me it’s just all they see are academic grades not the fact I have twice as many talents as any of my siblings I can cook I make breakfast for everyone, bake not once have I ever had leftovers, sew I make my own clothes, dance really good at ballet, write something that my sisters have always had trouble with, paint my art teacher uses my paintings as examples, and make jewelry (not kiddie stuff with string and beads but more professional with wire and metals). No matter how hard I try it’s always why can’t you be more like your sisters, and ever since my mom told me how brilliant my brother is it replays itself in my ears forcing me to hear it everyday and since then I’ve been depressed and my grades have been suffering and I’ve been having really bad headaches, which I was looking up and somehow go to this stress symptoms list and out of 24 I have 19 symptoms. I know I’m stressed but again no one knows because I fear that they will think it is an excuse for my grades and this is the worst time ever to be stressed because state testing is coming up and I have always gotten proficient but now I am terrified of getting below average like I said used to be an A student but now I’m down to Ds and my parents have no idea because I have managed to hide it from them and I just feel so sad and confused and how do I stop being depressed and stressed’ I’m sorry about the length but everything just came pouring out and I want to thank you for reading all of this I just had to tell someone.